i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
