in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
