Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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