3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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