I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
