You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
