I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Drunk is not a location!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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