I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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