i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I pour the whiskey from now on
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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