oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
