Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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