Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
