We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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