What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
