i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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