I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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