guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
