I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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