I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
