official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
