i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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