Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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