just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
