i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
