There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
nutella sex= disaster
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
