He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
