I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
