so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
