Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize