I wish life had little blips of pornography
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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