between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
