I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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