I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
