Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
