Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
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Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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