My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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