we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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