whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
are you so shy because you have an std?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
