Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
