Im at strip club and am horny
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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