Screwed.edu
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
