no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
