When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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