I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
