It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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