i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
