He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
