Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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