drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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