Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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