i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
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