We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
