Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
