woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
birth control should be required to get into college
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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