Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
