Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
