dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize