guys are not supposed to queef...right?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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