while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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