Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
