I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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