the day after is always just damage control
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
