you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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