Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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