Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
