I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
