Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
