I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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