Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
