i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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