I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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