Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
