Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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