I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
