What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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